Recovering from Infidelity- Some Tips
Nobody will blame you if you are healing from infidelity and still experiencing ALL of the emotions- hurt, anger, sadness, feeling betrayed. But whether or not you continue the relationship, you have to take care of yourself, restore sanity, and find hope. Here are some ideas to help. Not all of these may resonate with you, so use the ones that do and ignore the rest:
1. Do not take it so personally.
Most people who cheat do not do so to hurt their partner. Rather, they are acting out in response to their own pain or their own deficits. They are broken or immature in some way, and cheating is a symptom of their own state of emotional disrepair.
2. Let the bird out of the cage.
You must give your partner the freedom to have time and activities away from you. If you monitor or police your partner all the time, you’ll never have the confidence that he/she will come back to you on their own.
3. Be aware of landmines.
Everyone runs into things that bring up painful emotions. It could be a song, someone you see that reminds you of the other man or woman, a conversation you hear. Know that this painful emotion does not mean that the event is happening again, just the emotion.
4. Have a physical outlet for anger and anxiety.
Sometimes there is no better substitute for burning out the negative emotions than exercise or physical activity.
5. Change your mental focus.
If you are dwelling too much on the pain and replaying negative images or thoughts in your head over and over, then stop it! Switch your focus to something positive or neutral.
6. Forgiveness is a process, not an immediate necessity.
You can’t forgive your partner today or even tomorrow, not completely at least. You work towards it every day as an eventual goal. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you decide to continue the relationship. It just means that you stop expending so much negative energy reacting to it.
7. Don’t isolate. Connect with Others.
It’s okay to spend some time by yourself to rest, recover, cry, fall apart. But don’t be an island. Other people have gone through what you are going through. Share your story with people who care about you.
8. Develop some new boundaries. Forge a new relationship out of the fire of the wounded relationship.
If you decide to stay in this relationship, develop more clarity about what you are looking for in yourself and the other person. Decide how you want the relationship to be different going forward. Communicate this to your partner and give them an opportunity to let you know if they share that vision of the future with you or not. If your partner does not want to do the work of change, then move on and take these new boundaries and this new awareness with you.